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New Zealand is best known as a country of extremes.

More than four years on and we’ve still never actually been camping. After the initial camping-related banter, it took only a couple of emails before he got serious. It forced us to communicate properly before getting too wrapped up in the chemistry.

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I occasionally like to remind Brutus that he wasn’t top of the list on that batch. But I wrote a short note with some comment about how much I liked camping, as he had said that he wanted to find someone who (among other things) wouldn’t mind the odd weekend away camping. They provide an anchor — as do all the cards and letters we continue to write on special occasions — to our relationship; a very detailed and beautiful reminder of what attracted us to one another in the first place.

I think that day I must have messaged about 10 guys. I could tell that Brutus put a lot of thought into his profile and it was immediately evident that he knew how to compose words with eloquence, and articulate himself with sincerity. After only three weeks of communicating by email, Brutus committed to flying 12 hours across the Pacific Ocean to meet me. Don’t worry, we spoke soon after that — well, that is, after he called at 5am on a Saturday and got my mother on the phone. All those emails, the many, many emails, the emails I printed and carried around with me and read and re-read (long before I had a smartphone), became like a constitution, or a foundation, where we shared the things that mattered most to us.

We met on in September 2010 and four years to the day (with creative licence on the time zones and the dateline), we gave birth to our first child, a boy. I’d scroll through the new profiles on and fire off a personalised one-liner to anyone who seemed to make the cut. Unlike in a bar, however, those things are not just exterior but interior, how the guy (or lass) wants to share themselves in a few words online. Starting with communication In the first few months of our (very brief) courtship and (slightly longer) engagement, we wrote more than 45,000 words to each other.

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